Monday 15th June. "Rick Waller definitely would".

Hi. Been back to hospital again today. Not elastics malfunction related - just a check up. There was a massive waiting room full of old people. Me and the other post op bird were both there. She still looks better than me and is nice. Fucking bitch. Everything is fine with the jaw etc. I am told to make an appointment with my authodentist for the next week so that he can check up on me. All i can think is "yuuuuuuuesss! Spike removal time!".

I sat out in the sun all today. It’s not been as nice as it sounds. Firstly came the problem of how does one with a broken face sunbathe on their front? All positions proved painful, but I finally settled on a position I call "the inverted banana". It involved two deck chairs and lots of cushions. My second problem of the day came when I ventured in doors and realisedthat, yes, I had somehow achieved the impossible. I had given myself horrific sunglasses burn marks that made me look even more of a fat faced freak than before. I even have those horrific 'neck lines' that fat burnt people get around their chins. Just as I was beginning to think I could pass for as attractive as Britney circa the bald picture of her attacking the paps car with her brolly, however I had unwittingly demoted myself to Lisa Dingle's fuck-a-bility.

Whilst I was sunbathing, I could not seem to think of much else but sex. For sure, a highly influential factor in this train of thought was the ridiculous Jackie Collins book I was reading I had found in my sisters room (honest).

He turned lazily, still asleep, but hard. Nellie opened her legs and he entered her. She breathed his name softly, moving to accomodate him. He came very quicky, eyes still closed. Then he mumbled 'Go to sleep Edna' and turned his back on her.

You can see how I find this sintilating. Bare in mind that this is the girl that saw a'sex scene' between two pensioners on telly one evening at uni and announced to her housemates"I'm going out to pull". A convo with one of the POT's (potentials) from the other night keeps coming back to haunt my hornyness too. However. No-one would fancy me in this state, particularly since the demotion. Well, actually, I'm pretty sure Rick Waller definitely would do me. And maybe Keith from the office. And surely that hairy multi-chinned darts bloke. But that’s all.