Thursday 18th June, 2009. “A post ironic gang of armed vigilantes”

A much better couple of days. Face is now distinctly “chubby” in classification rather than “blatant overeater”. Can now pass for being mildly deformed as opposed to utter freak. Celebrity status-a-like : Bungle from Rainbow (Chubby but cute looking. Minus the fur).

Yesterday was spent locked in a “no bailing” dual effort to conquer ‘Streets of Rage’ 1, 2 & 3 back to back on the old Sega Mega Drive with my brother (it rained). Macs informs me ‘Streets of Rage’ was banned in Cornwall when it first came out. I feel very grateful for this vital information. It adds to the gaming experience and makes me feel HARDCORE. Later I also ponder the judicial system in Cornwall – is it somehow different to the rest of the UK? Did the local authorities implement this or was a county-wide strategy? Most importantly how was this ban enforced? I imagine a post ironic gang of armed vigilantes breaking into the homes of Cornish 9 year olds - ripping the illegal cartridges from their 16bit consoles. Decide Macs must have been lying. Four hours later also decide my eyes hurt.

So I came to the beach today to write my blog. I feel tres artistic, huddled up in the sand dunes...scribbling away. Then comes the ‘Sand to Eye’ incident. No longer feel artistic and in fact feel quite stupid. This is most impractical. Also un-artistic is the nearby group of utter scallys (Southerners. This means chavs) I am dutifully trying to avoid eye contact with. Scals don’t have morals. They would blatantly laugh right in my deformed face. What surprised me was the lack of reaction to my deformity on the 30min walk down to the beach. Could it be that I have slightly overestimated how freaky I look? Although, thinking about it a dog did run up to me, but when it got up close it ran off whimpering (Promise this actually happened). Maybe it’s just the general public are good at hiding their disgust around here. Portera suggests in an attempt to be the ultimate artiste I sign off my blog “fin”. I propose that with my excellent command of language and natural eloquence this would be overkill.

Laters slags.