Saturday 13th June, 2009. "Relationships were different in my day".

Its Saturday afternoon. Aunty Betty is coming over. The same unsuspecting Aunty Betty that came round to my student house in second year only to be confronted with my house mates screaming at the unfortunate Jenben "You sucked him off! We know you did!" in the other room. I anticipate this visit will be much more sedate, seeing as I, for one, still cannot feel my face and hence cannot talk to, yet alone taunt, aunty betty with overheard tales of accused fellatio.

Aunty Betty sits in the boiling sun with a light knit sweater on, a beige anorak and a straw hat salvaged for her by me from my brothers room which reads "Buffalo Bill's Disney Land Wild West Show". She chats about how good I look considering the op, and tells me I will have a pretty smile. Me ma comes over and tells me the swelling has gone down dramatically. They both check out my side profile. I still have two chins (as opposed to three) but they both say my profile looks 100 times better.

We have something to eat. It is absolute TORTURE! Ma and Aunty Betty have lasagne and garlic bread. I have the dreaded beaker filled with further liquidised soup (yes folks - turns out the normal soup wasn't quite liquidified enough).Talk / mumbles turns to my recently ended relationship. Aunty Betty morns the loss of beloved Las J. I feel sad. She says "you see relationships were so different in my day", and then goes on tell how when she got married she was forced to leave her job - purely because she got married. I feel fucking glad relationships are different in my day.

We watch Mr Beans Holiday before aunty betty goes home. Throughout Portera (a colleague) is texting me foody taunts, the bastard. He makes me laugh by A) telling me his baby plotted to throw up in his face and then giggled about it and B) referring to one of our other colleagues as a popular item found on the McDonalds menu. Result: Elastics snap again. Back to the hospital tomorrow. Portera claims its erotic. I assure him it is definitely not. Is Pauline Quirk snapping elastic bands erotic? Nope. Thought not. Samething. Goodnight!