Tuesday 16th June. “Bisto for breakfast”

Threw some sexy shapes in the mirror before I went out to sunbathe this morning in my bikini. Body looks good due to malnutrition no doubt. Face still like a freak. Result = that Apex Twin video . One of the POT’s declares I have “the body of Baywatch and the face of crimewatch”. Sigh. It’s true. I can see similarity between The Hoff’s thighs and my own. No but seriously, what if my face does not go down and I remain fat faced forever?! As a precaution I am going to concentrate on keeping my body slender. Paranoia is sets in. I constantly think my Mum is adding cream to my “food” (aka mush). As I think about it i’m sure the chicken soup from last night was particularly frothy. Therefore I take over making my own “food”. Attempt milky ‘Complan’ solution. Sick in mouth. Still stubborn about making my own meals. Have Bisto in the beaker for breakfast.

Sodbag brother has left a half eaten sandwich around. Its crusty exterior and half melted £1.99 for 400g special offer innards have the effect a grass-fed Argentinean fillet steak would have on normal people. Under normal circumstances I would tut, and throw it away. Instead I eye it over the top of my heat magazine for half an hour until I begin to worry what the neighbours will think of the strange sounds coming from my tummy (Like an angry Alsatian). I finally throw the sandwich away and locate the offending block of cheese which bore it. There is about a small sandwich worth’s left. I cut the cheese in to miniscule cubes (and i mean miniscule – later I see an ant making off with one I drop outside) and consume them over the course of an hour. It’s painful, but gets easier and is like gastro heaven to my cheese starved tummy.


Later I look across to see my Dad’s poor rabbits stuck in their hutch in the sun (he’s not a mental rabbit man – they did belong to us kids but we’ve all moved out now). Feel sorry for them so decide to give one some fresh air and put it in the run. Also decide it’s not necessary to put my bikini top on to perform this task. It will be my thrill of the day. Someone might see me! It might be a mega buff! Who is shorter than me and does not like looking at people’s faces! Now have a fat face, sunburn marks and scratched nipples in the shape of a rabbit claw.